


The Talk

by WolfstarPups90



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Humor, M/M, Tumblr, Tumblr Prompt, old fic, wolfstar parenting, wolfstar raising Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-13
Updated: 2017-08-13
Packaged: 2018-12-14 17:19:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11787801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WolfstarPups90/pseuds/WolfstarPups90
Summary: Sirius and Remus think it's time they give Harry "The Talk" when they find he's been sneaking out at night to see someone special.





	The Talk

**Author's Note:**

> An old one from my Tumblr :-) Enjoy!

They really should have expected this sort of behavior. Being the son of one Marauder and raised by the other two, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise when they heard the distinct sound of a teenage boy sneaking out of the house in the middle of the night.

  
It was just that Harry had always been a surprisingly easy and well behaved kid, all things considered. Sure, he got into a little mischief now and then, but honestly both Sirius and Remus have been more concerned if he hadn’t, and it was always harmless fun. Sneaking around though, and hiding things from his guardians, that was unusual. Harry had always been honest with Sirius and Remus and they were always honest with him. 

  
The first time they woke up, the boy was sneaking back into the house in the early hours of the morning, tiptoeing past their bedroom and closing the door to his own with the softest of clicks.   
“Sleep alright, Prongslet?” Sirius had asked him later on at breakfast.

 “Yeah, fine.” Harry responded distractedly, paying more attention to reading the back of the cereal box than to his godfather’s question. That was what bothered Remus the most. 

“Sneaking about is one thing, but lying? Harry’s never lied to us before.” 

Sirius hummed in agreement, staring at the ceiling. It was late at night and the front door closing had woken them yet again. “Bet it’s a girl.” 

Remus’ eyebrows shot up. “Do you think?”

Sirius shrugged. “Well sure. He’s sixteen…” he turned onto his side to face the other man. “You know I thought I saw a hickey on his neck when he got back from school at the start of summer. He told me he got bit by a Cornish Pixie.”

Remus snorted at the blatant lie. Then his eyes went wide. “You don’t think he’s having sex, do you?”

“I…oh bloody hell…” Sirius groaned, running a hand through his hair. “He’s _sixteen_!”

“We were younger than that, Sirius.”

“Merlin, Moony…I feel…old.” 

“You are old. We both are. We have a sixteen year old who’s probably sexually active.”

“STOP SAYING IT!” 

“You know this means we’ll have to have ‘the talk’ with him.” Said Remus reasonably, ignoring Sirius’ whine of protest. “We have to, Pads. We should have done so earlier.” 

Sirius groaned and rolled onto his stomach, burying his face in his pillow. “I’m sure Prongs’ll be having a laugh at our expense in the afterlife. His gay mates giving his son The Sex Talk.” 

Remus chuckled softly and Sirius peeked up at him. “You’re the teacher, Moony. Why don’t you just do it?”

“That’s not how parenting works, Sirius.”

“It’s your turn.” 

“My _turn_?”

“Your turn. Remember? We used to take turns getting up at night for him, changing him-”

Remus rolled his eyes. “He hasn’t been in diapers for fifteen years, Sirius. He’s grown.” Sirius made another distressed sound that, had it not been muffled by the pillow, Remus would have sworn sounded like “ _My baby_!”

Sighing, Remus began to run his fingers through Sirius’ hair. “You’re being dramatic, you ponce. We’ll both have a talk with him tomorrow, alright?” 

Sirius growled. 

“Sirius…”

“Fiiiine!” 

  
-

  
The following morning was the same awkward tension at the breakfast table. Harry remained uncharacteristically silent as he ate while Sirius and Remus wordlessly debated who would be the first to speak up. With one final, meaningful glance from Remus, Sirius gave in.

 “Harry, er…there’s something I think we need to talk about.” 

Harry paused, mouth open and spoon in hand. He blinked, looking from one guardian to the other. “Am I in trouble?”

“Of course not, Harry. You haven’t done anything wrong.” Remus said. Then after a moment he quirked an eyebrow at the boy. “That we know of at least. Unless there’s something you’d like to share…”

Harry shrugged and shook his head, continuing about his breakfast. 

Remus gave Sirius another look, urging him to press on. 

“Harry…um…y-you know…there’s this thing…” Sirius stammered awkwardly as his godson stared at him, slowly chewing. “It’s…well, you know, there’s bees and they…with the birds and all…and if they-…well, really I’ve never been quite sure how they have anything to do with it-”

There was a loud _CLANG_ as Harry dropped his spoon and choked on his cereal. “ _Bloody Hell_  is this the sex talk!?”

Remus gave him a stern look. “Language, Harry.” He scolded softly. 

“Sorry, Moony.” Harry apologized quickly once he stopped choking, his face beat red and his eyes like saucers behind the frames of his glasses. “I just- oh, bloody hell…” He buried his face in his hands. 

“Nothing to be embarrassed about, Harry. You’re sixteen, we just thought it may be time we talked to you about this to be sure you were…er…well informed.” Remus explained, always the calm and rational one compared to the theatrics of his lover and their godson. 

Harry’s hand shot up to his hair, ruffling it nervously in the way that always made both Sirius and Remus need to remind themselves that it wasn’t James sitting across from them. “It’s…I mean…it’s a little late for that, that’s all.” He muttered, sinking down in his seat. 

Remus’ breath hitched and Sirius’ hand twitched anxiously.

“We, um…” Remus continued slowly. “We didn’t even know you had a girlfriend, Harry.” 

Harry let out a nervous laugh and shook his head. “I don’t.” 

“You don’t?” Sirius repeated, watching the boy skeptically. “Listen, Harry, we know you’ve been sneaking out of the house. You’ve always been honest with us, we just want to know what’s going on. We want to make sure you’re being safe…you’re sixteen, it’s normal that you’d be dating, you don’t have to lie to us-” 

“I’m not lying.” Said Harry sincerely, finally looking up to meet his godfather’s eyes. “I…I don’t have a girlfriend.”

Sirius frowned. “Then why are you-?”

Remus held up a hand, suddenly understanding. “Sirius,”

“No, Moony, if he doesn’t have a girlfriend then why would he be-”

“Sirius, you idiot, he doesn’t have a girlfriend.” 

“But then-”

“SIRIUS!” Both Harry and Remus shouted.

“What?”

“He doesn’t. have. a girlfriend.” Remus said slowly, emphasizing. 

Harry, who was now the color of a ripe tomato, groaned and tugged at his hair. “I’ve got a boyfriend.” 

Sirius stared across the table, mouth agape and blinking at him. “Oh.” He said finally, clearing his throat. “Oh, well…Merlin, you’d think we’d have caught onto that earlier, wouldn’t you?” 

Remus nodded in agreement before looking back at Harry. “Well, all that aside Harry, why wouldn’t you have just told us you were seeing someone instead of sneaking about? That’s not like you.”

“It’s not as if you need to hide the fact that you like blokes. In case you haven’t noticed for the last sixteen years, so do we.” Sirius smirked, folding his arms over his chest. 

Harry sighed, averting his eyes and pushing his spoon around the bowl. “It’s not the fact that I like blokes, it’s…it’s the bloke I like that I thought might be the problem.” 

Remus and Sirius exchanged confused looks. 

“Harry, you know you can come to us with anything.” Said Remus gently. “We support you no matter what.” 

Sirius nodded enthusiastically. “Absolutely. So out with it then, who’s the lucky lad that’s stolen my dashing godson’s heart, eh?” 

Harry let out another heavy sigh and muttered something under his breath. 

Remus frowned. “Sorry Harry? Didn’t quite catch that.”

Harry glared from under his eyelashes at the two older men. He took a deep breath. “Draco Malfoy.” 

“ _WHA_ -!?”

“ _Sirius_!”

“I mean w-what a surprise…” Sirius finished weakly, reaching down to rub his leg where Remus had kicked him. 

There was an awkward silence as Harry stared down at the table and Remus shook his head disapprovingly at Sirius’ outburst. Biting his lip, Harry stood up. 

“Er…I’m going to just go to my room-”

“ _Sit_.” Ordered both Sirius and Remus and Harry sunk back into his seat. 

A grin had appeared on Sirius’ face. “Now that that’s out of the way, we can have the talk we meant to have with you.”

Harry groaned. “Do we have to?” 

Remus nodded. “Safe sex is important Harry. No matter who you're with.”

“Merlin…” 

“Now, proper lubricating spells-”

Harry’s head hit the table with a loud thud.


End file.
